Release Year: 2012
Studio: Hunterslair
Cast: Astarte
Genres: BDSM, torment, bondage, fetish, spanking, punishment
Video language: English
I knew as the door locked closed behind me that I’d chosen what was to follow. Dreamt of it, feared it, the million possible outcomes, and wondered if I’d actually overcome the nightmares. Shy and selfconcious are the understatement of the century. I have PTSD, and allowing myself to be chained provided an oppurtunity to test my mental limits along with the physical. As long as I can remember even trips to the hair dresser invovled nervous vomiting. Being touched would make me cringe, and I could easily dissociate from anything… but I was about to prove to myself that I’m stronger than memories and mind-tricks. I was tied, slowly, almost gently, but badly. I trust, and it was worth it. I struggled until I proved the futility of it, and them fought somemore. The gag was a mercy. For once I didn’t have to explain how I felt. Despite never having in fact felt "safe", I think this was a close experience. Straped I found a freedom of expression, and a freedom in my soul. The bounds held me to the moment, mentally I couldn’t flashback or dissociate to somewhere else, nor could I escape, or deny my enjoyment. The scene left me weak kneed and triumphant. When it was all over I stumbled in my stilletlos into a hug that took me by surprize, and I could return. To a lot of people surrendering to being totally defenseless is terrifying, and they’re right, but there is trust there, an amazing amount that being vanilla I’d never opened myself to. I did’t feel used, taken advantage of, or out of control.
Format: Windows Media
Duration: 10:09
Video: 720×480, Windows Media Video 9, 703kbps
Audio: 93kbps
File size: 59.7 MB
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